News

I was lax to even use the word luck, but we'll go with it for now.

So surely you've heard about this. I mean, you cannot go to any website at all without hearing about this woman's story.

A woman died in a car crash just days after missing a doomed flight.

Yes, I remember that movie about death and that stupid ass kid and then Stiffler gets his fucking head cut off (highlight of the movie IMO -- I think it was Stiffler, wasn't it?). Oooooh, she was fated to die!

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

No, she wasn't fated to die.

Let me explain it to you this way. The odds of dying in a car crash have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the odds of dying in a plane crash. Likewise, the odds of missing the plane that crashed and surviving are even higher. However, those events have nothing whatsoever to do with the odds of her dying in a car crash days later.

It wasn't fate. It wasn't God. It wasn't Death. It wasn't Satan. It wasn't the fucking spaghetti monster.

First, she was at the right place at the right time, then she was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Big fucking deal.

Another thing that bothers me -- when people die and it unfortunately catches on in the media and becomes a maelstrom, why is it that the believes see fit to drag that person's memory through the mud? (I'm looking at you Fox News)

If you believe in the afterlife, then you believe that the person is still sentient after death. If that's the case, don't you think you're being pretty fucking rude?

Man, you guys suck all around, don't you?

From the Associated Press comes a report that tells us what we already know...

If the global economy were a 100-yard dash, the U.S. would start 23 yards behind its closest competitors because of health care that costs too much and delivers too little, a business group says in a report to be released Thursday.

Oh, it's the mainstream media. It crapped its collective pants again.

Today's stupid-o-rama:

Fox News: Recession May End This Year

Reuters (c/o Yahoo!): Bernanke fears recession could extend to 2010

Well that sounds both good and serious at the same time. Now first off, I'd like to point out that Bernanke is a tool. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's take a peek at these articles.

Ok, so the quote from Bernie-boy that both of these news sources used to create their headlines appears to be:

"...there is a reasonable prospect that the current recession will end in 2009 and that 2010 will be a year of recovery."

So wait, Fox News actually conveyed this headline.. conservatively? You mean Reuters is the fire and brimstone maker? Well, I guess everyone makes mistakes.

This year is already on its third month. I know times are tough, but this year will be over before you know it. I feel like Reuters was taking advantage of the fact that some people still have 2008 lingering in the backs of their minds. "2010! That's nearly two years!"

Can't we just report the news? Where did you guys get the word "fears" anyway, Reuters? Did you just pull it out of your hat? Or was it your "doom-n-gloom phrase o-matic?" The word "fear" only appears in the headline. It's not even in the fucking contents of the article! Moreover, it's not even a quote! He never said fears!!

In fact, if you ask me, I think we're fortunate if the recession is on the rebound in 2010. What the fuck?

Fuck it. Buy your own damn fries.

This just in: The media thinks that you're stupid and should be scared!

Did you know that there's a new Federal Law on the books that will soon pass that will keep books out of the hands of children!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

A federal law that will soon go into effect could have some startling consequences, including the possible banning of children from libraries unless certain books are pulled from the shelves.

Oh my!! What is it, government? What are you protecting us from? What terror could it be? Sex? Atheism? Drugs? Rock n' Roll? Boobs? Oh no, not boobs! They're horrible!

The law is called the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act and it is designed to protect children all over the country from the dangers of lead.

Oh... that's... that's really not that bad. In fact, I even support that.

Why is it that it took two paragraphs to get to that point? The headline and first paragraph are about as sensationalist as it gets. We finally get to the crux of the issue, and yeah, I support that. Lead is bad and stuff.

Why is it that we're treated like idiots by the media? I mean, yeah for the most part, people are fucking stupid, but maybe it's because we're treated that way. If we're treated like intelligent beings, maybe once in a while, humans can surprise you, you know?

No wait, we're all stupid. Nevermind. Keep up the good work, Media.