What happens when you give a fundie a brain

I found this collection of comments and quotes from fundamentalist Christianists, and I found it too spectacular to keep it all to myself, and my fellow unbelievers on StumbleUpon.

They are all great in their own way, but these are my favorites: Enjoy!

3. “God does not want us not to use common sense.”
celticmist138, Rapture Ready [Comments (52)] 2007-Aug-10
6. “The TEACHERS of evolution (unwittingly, at least usually) encourage dishonesty, murder, rape, stealing, etc. Beliefs lead to actions. If one believes that “God does not see” their actions - this encourages some behaviors over others. Honesty is definitely NOT encouraged when one ascribes to evolutionary beliefs. Evolution also teaches the opposite of “Honor your Father and your Mother” (Fifth Commandment) when it implies/teaches that the future is in the offspring, so that one should concentrate on the children. Evolution teaches values.”
Editor, CSE blogs [Comments (24)] 2007-Aug-20

Yes, because when people are educated, the Devil wins. I'm pretty sure that was the overwhelming opinion during that awesome time called the DARK AGES.

7. “I agree with Congressman Sali. Having a Muslim in office and a Hindu open Senate prayer shows just how far the people of America have fallen from the priciples of God’s Word. Freedom of religion was to be able to worship the true God of heaven without the interference of government telling us how to. It was so we could worship the ONE true God, the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob, and not the god of Ishmael, as Islam holds to, or one of the many gods of the Hindus. Yes, we are in the end times and the fight is between light and darkness, right and wrong, God and the devil. Those who choose God are on the winning side and will have the ultimate victory! Praise God!”
Rachel, One News Now [Comments (55)] 2007-Aug-13

Umm, I think we need to get this guy a dictionary. So that he can look up the meaning of Freedom. And of CRAZY ASSHOLE, too.

9. “The people in this country may be diverse, but only one God exists– and Jesus is not of Middle Eastern descent.”
E J Broomell, One News Now [Comments (51)] 2007-Jul-16

YEAH! BECAUSE JESUS WAS AN AMERICAN. LIKE ALL GOOD PEOPLE THROUGHOUT HISTORY. EXCEPT FOR THE NATIVE AMERICANS. GAH, THOSE PEOPLE SUCK.

14. “Apes are just creatures twisted by Satan to mock Jesus by giving EVILolition credibility. Further more they are naturally lust crazed for human women. Since they are not natural creatures they should be exterminated forthwith as the tools of evil they are.”
BJ Tabor, Blogs4Brownback [Comments (79)] 2007-Aug-01

Seriously. You can't make this sh*t up. You can't. You can try, but you simply cannot fake bat-sh*t insane this well.

18. “Atheists use atheism as an excuse to justify debauchery. Deep down, all those so called atheists believe in God and fear divine retribution for denying the Lord’s existence. So they try to be a little bit nicer than the Christians as an insurance policy.”
Angel, “Atheist doctors more likely to care for the poor than religious ones”
[Comments (68)] 2007-Aug-02

HOLY HELL, Our super secret plan has been discovered! And by a CHRISTIAN, none-the-less! ABORT! ABORT!!

You see, we came about this whole notion of Atheism, because God kept getting pissed off because we were always having orgies and having *GASP* Pre-Marital SEX. So we decided to not believe in him. Not for lack of evidence, or some such gobbledy-goop, but simply because we wanted to go with our biological desires and not feel bad.

Wanna know how it's easy to tell that this guy has never knowingly met an atheist in his entire life?
By his claim that we think we need an 'insurance' policy against the Hell that God would send us to.
We're not trying to do the right thing. We're not doing what's moral, or good. We're really just trying to cheese God up so he doesn't send us to an eternity of fiery damnation.

-WHEW!- That feels so much better to actually let it out!

If for nothing else, Christians sure are good for a laugh or two.

Wait, I said laugh. I meant cringe and fall down and cry in the fetal position. Yeah, they're good for a couple of those.